miriamjoyce

you'll laugh. you'll cry.

2009-04-12T02:22:08Z

Today in the car home from the Caffe Lena Poetry Festival, Nadia suddenly took exception to being in her car seat and began demanding to be out of it. After we reiterated all the reasons why she knows full well that won't happen in a moving car, she resorted to "eh eh eh" whining.

In an attempt at distraction, Robin said "Is there a monkey in the car?"

She replied, with full-tilt melodrama, "No, it's your Nani, struggling and struggling to get out of her seat."

It doesn't translate to print so well, but Robin and I laughed for a full five minutes.

---

Also, the most hysterically cute thing I've seen for months was Nadia and Zack sharing one of the chairs outside of the Ultraviolet Cafe, looking deep into each other's eyes while Zack murmured at her, "Playground. Plaaayground."

toddler meltdown stories

2009-03-06T19:51:22Z

Seeking funny stories of the most bizarre/trivial reasons for a toddler tantrum...

Daddy gets it wrong.

2009-03-04T03:22:54Z

Nadia: "Milk!"

Robin: "I think you just want milk because you're bored."

Nadia (wails): "Noooooooooo!"

Robin: "OK. It was a theory."

Nadia (cheerfully): "No, it was a yell."

parallelism...

2009-02-27T20:39:27Z

For all of lunchtime, through nap, Nadia declared that she was pretend Zack, Becca was Zack's mama, and I was Zack's mommy.

Becca asked what that would make Daddy when he came home.

With no pause, Nadia said cheerily, "A cow!!!"

(Um, kombu, yip95 is there something we should know?)

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the danger of having a writer mother (or a friend with one)

2009-02-14T02:16:35Z

Someday your friends will find this: Toddlers in Love

(It should be noted that I originally pitched this for their "bad parent" column and thought I was writing it for that, so my concerns are probably a bit overstated. Also, I wrote it several months ago and Babble decided to hold it for V-day. Those of you know know them will be able to tell it's a bit out of date.)

ah, idioms

2009-02-14T02:11:14Z

Nadia (as a non-sequitor to the ongoing conversation): Maybe it's because you didn't want to read the dinosaur book!

Becca: I didn't know the dinosaur book was on the table.

Nadia: It's not! It's on the couch.

Becca: (attempts to explain phrase "on the table," which probably goes over Nadia's head)

a minute or two later...

Nadia (muttering under her breath to herself). I'm hungry. Maybe a real table would help.

morning toddler brain

2009-02-10T01:43:38Z

Nadia, waking up in bed: "I'm chilly!"

Me: "OK, come here under the comforter."

Nadia: "No, I want raisins!"

Me: "That's not going to help with being chilly."

Nadia: "It will if you put them in the microwave!"

(We tried it. It didn't help. We moved on to slippers and had more success.)

never assume you know what the problem is

2009-02-05T14:49:44Z

Nadia, stirring after we'd thought she'd fallen asleep: "I want you to carry me somewhere!"

Me: "Where?"

Nadia: "Somewhere out of this room!"

Me: "Well, it's sleeping time, so we're going to stay in the bed. But you can go somewhere in your dreams. How about you pick a place, and close your eyes and think about what it looks like and what you'll do there?"

Nadia: (brief pause in which I foolishly think she's taking my advice)

Nadia: (Howl of protest)

Me: What's wrong?

Nadia: I want to dream about CATERPILLARS!!

this me having an obnoxious American moment

2009-01-27T15:45:55Z

Simon Eccles, then chairman of the junior doctors’ committee of the
British Medical Association, voiced the concerns of NHS professionals
in 2005. “People are in hospital to get better, but a lot of the food the
NHS serves up simply isn’t nutritious,” he said. “Patients aren’t getting
enough fruit and vegetables and what they do get is often over boiled,
soggy and nasty.” (emphasis mine)

I thought that's how the Brits liked their veggies?

Anyhow, I'm just bitter because we don't have national health care, let alone a frickin' awesome program like this.

academic overuse of spellcheck

2009-01-26T14:26:57Z

At least that's my guess given the other errors in the piece. But I found this one funny:

The authors recognize that this survey is not a representative sample . . . Combined with the low response rate, the findings should be interpreted with caution. Still, this is a reasonable approach to gorge the current use of preference programs

Apparently that needed to be said

2009-01-22T20:11:51Z

I just posted one side of a point-counterpoint debate over on Babble.com.

My "side" is I Don't Care If My Daughter Has Sex as a Teen.

I expected to be vilified and hung in effigy by my toenails. I wasn't. At least not yet. Maybe Morality in the Media will find it. But so far, in fact I've gotten an overwhelmingly positive response.

What's particularly interesting to me is that the commenters are not just saying they agree with me, but thanking me profusely for being willing to say it. Guess I hit a nerve. (It is worth noting that most of these are regular Babble commenters, not people who came to the post because they were searching on "sex" or something.)

I also think it's pretty neat that the opposing view is not a religious, pro-abstinence ed, anti-sex one, but rather a more moderate "I think it would be better for their self-esteem to wait" point of view. I still disagree with her, but I think it's pretty neat to be able to have an exchange like this one, where the center is shifted so far away from the anti-sex extreme that's usually assumed to be the starting point.

on having a charismatic president

2009-01-21T14:21:29Z

From the guy at the Citizen Action inauguration party who spoke to the room after they finished replaying the inauguration speech:

"When you follow Barack Obama, you don't make a speech. You make announcements."

(If only the woman following him had understood that too.)

that was not what I had planned

2009-01-19T18:01:27Z

Saturday I finally admitted that the itching in my nipples was getting worse and that the on-again-off-again yeast issue demanded more concerted measures. So I planned to start a round of the gentian violet, among other standard approaches. Nadia was less than thrilled with the taste last time, and since she didn't appear to have any thrush, I told her I'd put it on after she nursed to sleep.

If figured this was an opportunity to experiment with night weaning, so we discussed how that would mean her next milk would be in the morning and if she woke up in the night she could go back to sleep with cuddles and singing. She said OK.

It wasn't the easiest night, though she was coming down with a little cold, which might have been part of it. She would fall back asleep after fussing, but wake up again very quickly. At one point I actually gave her a snack because it seemed like she might really be used to getting more sustenance overnight.

All well and good. But in the morning, she took one look at my purple nipples and refused to nurse. I offered to wipe them off to be sure they wouldn't taste funny, but since afterward they were still purple, she still refused. She didn't melt down or anything, though she did tell me once or twice, "I'm sad about that." I didn't push it. I didn't think it would last.

It did. We had a long napless day, thanks to a fun outing to an English Country Dance my mother was calling in Troy. She was in a generally good mood, especially for no nap, and was cuddly, but clingy. Once or twice she asked me if my nipples were still purple. When I said yes, she moved on. I offered milk a couple times when she was upset about something, but backed off quickly.

When we went to bed, she told me "I don't want milk" without checking the color of my nipples, and then fell asleep with less fuss than many normal nights.

I've said for a while I'd be more than ready to wean any old time, but it seemed a long way off because her nursing was still so incredibly frequent and so clearly relished, and I didn't really want to push it. But by the evening, as my breasts were getting full and painful and I was starting to express into the sink every time I went to the bathroom, as in days of old, I was starting to wonder if this might go that way, especially if I stuck to the several-days regimen of gentian violet. It was sad, more sad than I would have expected, but mostly for being so sudden. Kind of no-chance-to-say-goodbye-ish. I'm still a little emotional about it.

I did nurse her once overnight when she was fussy and too asleep to remember she was afraid of the purple. It was probably more for me than for her. She slept well the rest of the night (we'd given her a big snack before bed), and even though she woke up cranky with a cough, so far today we're back to no milk, entirely at her initiative.

It may not last, especially through seeing her friend Zach nursing. But it might. Boy was that unexpected.

what is in my cream cheese?

2009-01-15T18:49:45Z

From the lid of a container of Breugger's plain cream cheese:

"If you knew what went into it, you'd know there's nothing plain about it."

Um... Are you telling me you left something out of the ingredients list?

it takes a village of doctors...

2009-01-15T15:43:38Z

Nadia (after a day of playing a lot with her doctor kit and making Becca and me come for appointments under the dining room table):

"I a doctor, you a doctor, Daddy a doctor. When Mama has a baby and I have a baby, you and Daddy will take care of my baby and I'll take care of Mama's baby."

research on mothering and gender socialization

2009-01-13T21:42:15Z

This woman needs help getting participants for her study. I figure a bunch of you all would be interested. Pass it along!

--
My name is Lorin Basden Arnold. I’m a professor of communication studies, with a focus in family communication at Rowan University. I’m also the author of the textbook, Family Communication: Theory and Research. I’m currently seeking participants in a research project involving mothers and I would love to have your help.

Here is the formal description of the study: This study investigates the process of gender socialization and the effects of gender patterns on family communication processes (including mothering) in order to provide a situated discussion of the embodied experience of a group of mothers. Adult female participants will be interviewed via email/phone/in-person regarding their family of procreation (current family), mothering in that family, relationship patterns that exist within that family, processes of gender role socialization that occur within the family, and communication phenomenon in the family. Follow-up interviews will be conducted as warranted. The participants will chose pseudonyms to be identified with in the research (for self and family members) and personal details will be altered as necessary to protect confidentiality.

Now, here is a more “casual” take on this: I would like to talk to some mothers about their experiences in mothering, with a focus on issues related to gender and gender socialization. There is no requirement for age (other than being an adult), number or sex of children, marital status, race, ethnicity, socioeconomic status, religion, sexual orientation, etc. All mothers are welcome to participate. The initial survey can be completed via the method of your choice. You may be interviewed in person (if you are local to the Philadelphia area) and elect to do so. You may be interviewed by phone. Or, you can complete the survey via email. Follow-up questions can also be completed in the style you select, and not all participants will be asked to provide follow-up answers. You can stop participating at any time. You can decline to answer any question that you don’t want to answer. You will select names for yourself and all family members, and any demographic data will be altered in the final report so that you cannot be identified. If you complete the survey on the phone or in person, I will send you the transcription after I finish it for your review and editing. Any participant who would like a copy of the final report can get one in print or email version.

If you think you may be interested in participating, have questions about the study, or would like to see my vitae before committing, you can contact me at Arnold@rowan.edu. If you know anyone else who may be interested, feel free to pass the information along!

disturbing/funny kid quote of the week

2009-01-09T19:19:50Z

"I'm going to put a jingle in your butt!"

(What she meant was "I'm going to put this jingle bell in your back pocket.")

Stumbling around the web...

2009-01-09T19:18:13Z

Anyone out there using Stumble Upon? I was skeptical, but I've found it has led me to some great stuff that I feel like I ought to have known about or come across in my regular browsing/reading. It seems to be working better than Digg and the like too in terms of generating traffic for its top sites. (Though Digg may still win in terms of the verb that moves into the vernacular for the whole phenomenon.)

If you're using it, friend me there? I'm MiriamJoyce.

Calling parents who have had nursing toddlers...

2009-01-02T16:50:34Z

For a blog post, I'm collecting examples of funny/embarrassing/obscure ways verbal kids who nurse ask to do so. It will be lighthearted, but in a pro-extended-breastfeeding way. What have your kids (or others you've known) come up with?

Also, here's a round up of some of my recent Babble posts.

5 Nature Facts Kids' Authors Should Tattoo on their Forearms (Thanks to everyone who responded when I was gathering info on this long ago. Sadly it didn't make it into a full-fledged article.)
Woman Induces to Beat Health Insurance Cancellation Date, Fails
Pre-Term Elective C-Sections Are Dangerous: So Why Insure Them?
The Problem with "Orgasmic Birth"
Police Called on 10-Year-Old Riding Train Alone

you might think

2008-12-22T14:55:48Z

that choosing to go without electric light (except for the Christmas tree) as a solstice observance would have made a severely underslept toddler sleepy and mellow. You would, of course, be quite wrong. But we had a lot of fun, right up until the meltdown. She's got the makings of clergy that one.

Holiday celebration musings and other parenting stuff...

2008-12-17T20:40:51Z

One of my latest at Strollerderby is 10 Ways to Celebrate Christmas—Not Commerce:

So here’s my family’s seasonal dilemma: We love the holiday season, and particularly Christmas. Call it what you will: nostalgia, a fondness for tradition, an excuse to be part of a communal experience . . . but we, and now our daughter, delight in the decorating, the tree, the music, the lights. As far as my agnostic soul is concerned, December is one great big interfaith solstice celebration.

The only problem is that looking through the eyes of our two-year-old, we’ve realized that much of what we love about the season comes with a implicit anticipation of the Big Day, especially our beloved advent calendar. This means that if all that happens on the Big Day is presents, then no matter how restrained we’ve been in our purchases/creations or how studiously we’ve avoided the malls, we’ve nonetheless just taught our kid that the Christmas gift exchange is itself worth a month’s worth of ramp up. Ick.

We’re not going to ditch the gifts, but we figured we ought to add something else to the 25th to make it more of a day apart. Here are some ideas we’ve considered or others have done. What do you do?

Also fairly recently:

Today Show Says: Doulas Get in the Way led to a surprisingly (to me) emotional comments section.
I was interested, but not surprised, to get so many comments on Should Dads Cosleep? and They Say: Cosleeping Doesn't Cause SIDS.
I gave a try at grabbing one of those sad and voyeuristic stories I kind of wish my fellow bloggers would lay off of before someone else claimed it and tried to put some kind of meaningful spin on it. It might have been a reach.

i never thought i'd want to hug the man who wrote my econ 101 textbook

2008-12-15T16:41:55Z

Joseph Stiglitz in Vanity Fair, on the economic meltdown:

The truth is most of the individual mistakes boil down to just one: a belief that markets are self-adjusting and that the role of government should be minimal. Looking back at that belief during hearings this fall on Capitol Hill, Alan Greenspan said out loud, “I have found a flaw.” Congressman Henry Waxman pushed him, responding, “In other words, you found that your view of the world, your ideology, was not right; it was not working.” “Absolutely, precisely,” Greenspan said. The embrace by America—and much of the rest of the world—of this flawed economic philosophy made it inevitable that we would eventually arrive at the place we are today.

That's quite an admission from Greenspan. Wow. (The rest of the article is a good primer in the specific steps to how we got here too, starting with Reagan, if anyone wants background.)

spoken like a good suffragette

2008-12-12T21:02:57Z

Becca: "Your tofu is ready, my lady."

Nadia: "I'm not a lady, I'm a person!"

(To be fair, she used to be really into being called "lady," and even "missy.")

Day of Poet 2008

2008-12-12T20:59:34Z

Day of Poet 2008
Originally uploaded by miriamjoyce

So that poetry competition I went to almost two weeks ago now? I won! And there were some fine writers there, so I feel good about it. It was fun, and the format unusual: You were cut off if you went 15 seconds over time, but also penalized for being much under time, and could do as many poems as you could fit in each round (2, 3, and 4 minute rounds). I discovered in prep that my poems are mostly about a minute or about 2 1/2. Who knew?

on the subject of "appropriate dress"

2008-12-05T21:33:42Z

For those who were there at our Thanksgiving conversation (and those who weren't):

Here's the blog post I mentioned by a Quaker minister on why it is not women's responsibility to dress in a way that doesn't distract men.

Plenty more to be said on the many intertwining threads of this topic. This is only one piece.

Edited to clarify: I'm posting this link because I had mentioned the it and some people seemed interested in it so I wanted to remember to pass it on. I'm not saying anyone in the conversation was actually taking the position this person is arguing against.