Seeking funny stories of the most bizarre/trivial reasons for a toddler tantrum...

Someday your friends will find this: Toddlers in Love

(It should be noted that I originally pitched this for their "bad parent" column and thought I was writing it for that, so my concerns are probably a bit overstated. Also, I wrote it several months ago and Babble decided to hold it for V-day. Those of you know know them will be able to tell it's a bit out of date.)

I just posted one side of a point-counterpoint debate over on Babble.com.

My "side" is I Don't Care If My Daughter Has Sex as a Teen.

I expected to be vilified and hung in effigy by my toenails. I wasn't. At least not yet. Maybe Morality in the Media will find it. But so far, in fact I've gotten an overwhelmingly positive response.

What's particularly interesting to me is that the commenters are not just saying they agree with me, but thanking me profusely for being willing to say it. Guess I hit a nerve. (It is worth noting that most of these are regular Babble commenters, not people who came to the post because they were searching on "sex" or something.)

I also think it's pretty neat that the opposing view is not a religious, pro-abstinence ed, anti-sex one, but rather a more moderate "I think it would be better for their self-esteem to wait" point of view. I still disagree with her, but I think it's pretty neat to be able to have an exchange like this one, where the center is shifted so far away from the anti-sex extreme that's usually assumed to be the starting point.

Nadia (after a day of playing a lot with her doctor kit and making Becca and me come for appointments under the dining room table):

"I a doctor, you a doctor, Daddy a doctor. When Mama has a baby and I have a baby, you and Daddy will take care of my baby and I'll take care of Mama's baby."

This woman needs help getting participants for her study. I figure a bunch of you all would be interested. Pass it along!

--
My name is Lorin Basden Arnold.  I’m a professor of communication studies, with a focus in family communication at Rowan University.  I’m also the author of the textbook, Family Communication: Theory and Research. I’m currently seeking participants in a research project involving mothers and I would love to have your help. 

Here is the formal description of the study:  This study investigates the process of gender socialization and the effects of gender patterns on family communication processes (including mothering) in order to provide a situated discussion of the embodied experience of a group of mothers.  Adult female participants will be interviewed via email/phone/in-person regarding their family of procreation (current family), mothering in that family, relationship patterns that exist within that family, processes of gender role socialization that occur within the family, and communication phenomenon in the family. Follow-up interviews will be conducted as warranted. The participants will chose pseudonyms to be identified with in the research (for self and family members) and personal details will be altered as necessary to protect confidentiality.

Now, here is a more “casual” take on this:  I would like to talk to some mothers about their experiences in mothering, with a focus on issues related to gender and gender socialization.  There is no requirement for age (other than being an adult), number or sex of children, marital status, race, ethnicity, socioeconomic status, religion, sexual orientation, etc.  All mothers are welcome to participate. The initial survey can be completed via the method of your choice.  You may be interviewed in person (if you are local to the Philadelphia area) and elect to do so.  You may be interviewed by phone.  Or, you can complete the survey via email.  Follow-up questions can also be completed in the style you select, and not all participants will be asked to provide follow-up answers.  You can stop participating at any time.  You can decline to answer any question that you don’t want to answer.  You will select names for yourself and all family members, and any demographic data will be altered in the final report so that you cannot be identified.  If you complete the survey on the phone or in person, I will send you the transcription after I finish it for your review and editing.  Any participant who would like a copy of the final report can get one in print or email version.

If you think you may be interested in participating, have questions about the study, or would like to see my vitae before committing, you can contact me at Arnold@rowan.edu.  If you know anyone else who may be interested, feel free to pass the information along!

"I'm going to put a jingle in your butt!"


(What she meant was "I'm going to put this jingle bell in your back pocket.")

For a blog post, I'm collecting examples of funny/embarrassing/obscure ways verbal kids who nurse ask to do so. It will be lighthearted, but in a pro-extended-breastfeeding way. What have your kids (or others you've known) come up with?

Also, here's a round up of some of my recent Babble posts.

• 5 Nature Facts Kids' Authors Should Tattoo on their Forearms (Thanks to everyone who responded when I was gathering info on this long ago. Sadly it didn't make it into a full-fledged article.)
• Woman Induces to Beat Health Insurance Cancellation Date, Fails
• Pre-Term Elective C-Sections Are Dangerous: So Why Insure Them?
• The Problem with "Orgasmic Birth"
• Police Called on 10-Year-Old Riding Train Alone

that choosing to go without electric light (except for the Christmas tree) as a solstice observance would have made a severely underslept toddler sleepy and mellow. You would, of course, be quite wrong. But we had a lot of fun, right up until the meltdown. She's got the makings of clergy that one.

One of my latest at Strollerderby is 10 Ways to Celebrate Christmas—Not Commerce:


Also fairly recently:

• Today Show Says: Doulas Get in the Way led to a surprisingly (to me) emotional comments section.
• I was interested, but not surprised, to get so many comments on Should Dads Cosleep? and They Say: Cosleeping Doesn't Cause SIDS.
• I gave a try at grabbing one of those sad and voyeuristic stories I kind of wish my fellow bloggers would lay off of before someone else claimed it and tried to put some kind of meaningful spin on it. It might have been a reach.

Becca: "Your tofu is ready, my lady."

Nadia: "I'm not a lady, I'm a person!"

(To be fair, she used to be really into being called "lady," and even "missy.")

Nadia: Who are you?

Me: Who do you think I am?

Nadia: Mir-i-am

Me: Yes, that's exactly right!

Nadia: No, silly. Your name is Miriam. You are Mommy.

You make a blog post of course. Not that I'm complaining. I generally enjoy weddings and seeing people I care about be happy.

But hey, when you see that many of something in quick succession, you start to want to identify trends and patterns. So, building mostly off of the things my newly married friends and family did right, here's Six Steps to a Parent-Friendly Wedding.

The constant "Why?" didn't throw me too much.

But "What you say?" repeated as often is driving me round the bend.

It's been many months in coming, as I tried to juggle it in among other projects, but I finally finished my Metroland article on the state Office of Children and Family Services' creepy "Babies Sleep Safest Alone" campaign. The (very) short version, links for more info, and probably before too long, the conversation/debate, are all over at Strollerderby. Please weigh in.

Thanks much to Marshall for the voice mail message that started me looking into this, and to all the people who spoke with me, reviewed drafts, or put up with my ranting on the subject along the way.

Thanks to everyone who voted in and commented on my poll!

Now you can continue the conversation over at the post I made about it at Strollerderby.

Yell at me for my lukewarm feelings about "vagina" (and my argument that it's hardly "medically accurate" for this use). Debate the benefits of the gender neutrality of "private parts." Laugh at me for using phrases like "the c word." Tell me I'm either a cop out or too provocative for my final conclusion (depending on which part you decide is my final conclusion). Have fun.

Poll #1264913
Open to: All, detailed results viewable to: All, participants: 19

Which of the following words would you consider using with your daughter to describe her genitalia?

What should be added to that list?

What are your favorites and least favorites and why?

Much, though by no means all, of Nadia's clothing and toys are hand-me-downs, purchased used, or made for her by someone she knows. She likes reciting which of her friends this shirt or those shoes used to belong to and going to the big "Pass-It-On" consignment sale.

Recently when we tried to explain that a certain toy she had had come to her new from the store, that we didn't know who had made it, and that no one had played with it before her, she got rather upset about it. (She was asking about each point. We didn't bring it up.) We were presenting it as a totally OK thing, but it just appeared to be not enough continuity for her.

I heard her a few days later inventing backstory about a big boy who used to have another new toy of hers "when I was a baby."

Another thing to file under "Huh. I wasn't even exactly trying to teach that value yet. I hope it last."

Many things have kept me from posting here recently, including harvest season, getting around to some house-related projects, and work stress. Also, for better or worse, the fact that I've started blogging over at the parenting group blog Strollerderby. I don't think you can get an RSS feed of just one blogger, but if you're interested in just my posts (which I don't assume), you can always see the recent ones listed on my profile.

If you do find things I've written there you like, I humbly asked you to employ whatever social sorting sites you use (Digg, Reddit, StumbleUpon, Del.icio.us, etc.) to share/promote them. It'll make it much more viable for me to keep doing this.

On that note, today I actually have a post that is a little more than just the usual commentary—as far as I can tell it makes a new point about McCain's health insurance tax credits that hasn't been made before. It's a little one, but I like to think it's an good addition to the pile of examples of both the Republicans' lack of understanding of economic issues (and math) and the hypocrisy of their "pro-family" positioning. If you think so too, pass it around?

Other recent posts:

• What Does It Mean for Midwives, or Home Birth, to Be Illegal?
  With the recent conviction of two Florida women for practicing "illegal midwifery" in a case...
• Australia Looks to Midwives to Handle Baby Boom
  Apparently birth rates are booming down under, and to handle the demand, Australia's federal government...
• Are More Pregnant Women Suddenly Starving Themselves?
  A blogger over at self-improvement site PeopleJam is warning us about a new buzzword, "pregorexia...
• Step on a Crack, Updated
  If "step on a crack, break your mother's back" was feeling a little too simple for you...
• Tell Dr. Phil About Your Home Birth—If You Dare
  Dr. Phil is seeking home birth stories . But not just any home birth stories. He wants just the bad ones...

From the mouths of toddlers:
(After Rebecca declined to open the fridge to get something she shouldn't have.)
"Aunt Suzanne, can you help I? It not open so much when I here by myself."

And this morning, with a sheet spread fussily across her knees:
"When I bigger, I make holes in my pants and fix them, like Daddy, and wear them again."
(This is when the false sense that it will be easy passing on our values sets in.)

Also, we have entered one of the famous cascading "Why" phases. I wasn't expecting it yet. It hasn't driven me crazy so far. It does get old sometimes, but mostly it's amusing to have to come up with answers to things like "Why do you like Mama?" or "Why I say I didn't like that?" (Uh, cause you were being obstreperous? What's uh-step-rous? etc.)